One of the reasons I thought it'd be cool to have this blog was to share some of the stuff I've shared with a lot of friends in emails and things, just, y'know....the way my mind works. As well as ventilating and keeping my sanity. One of the big things I've always noticed, is that as an adult, your mind isn't watching some of these kids movies the same way THEY'RE enjoying them. For instance, one of my favorite targets is Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Now, aside from the fact that, if they tried to make this movie today, it would be deemed politically incorrect, and probably subject to litigation from the National Association for Height-Challenged Individuals, or some similar group, I have other problems with this film, like:
1) The dwarves all own a diamond mine, and yet they insist on living in one house. Was this some variety of socialist experiment, or what? These guys couldn't all be partners, and just have their own lives? Wives, families, kids, all that? A bachelor pad for seven is just a bizarre idea--well, outside of a college town, anyway......
2) Obviously, we had issues with the manner in which medications were distributed among the group, I mean, Happy had obviously been into the Prozac, and Sleepy and Grumpy, I think, obviously NEEDED the Prozac. And Bashful obviously was subject to some sort of social anxiety dysfunction, and should have been on Xanax or something. Dopey is another one; he should have just been in a group home, where he could get the proper attention for whatever condition it was that caused him to be how he was, so he could have been a more useful member of society.
3)All of the above being said, what the hell WAS up with Doc? I mean, never, throughout the course of the whole movie, did we ever see him with a stethoscope, writing a prescription, (even though obviously some of his housemates NEEDED medical attention,) or even telling his staff to bill Blue Cross! I mean the possibility exists that Doc was a PhD, and thus an academic, which would have been a whole other ball of wax. In that case, we should have seen him walking around in a tweed sport coat with the leather patches on the elbows, spouting his intellectualism for all to hear. Maybe even wearing Birkenstocks in the winter and smoking a pipe. In any event, if he was a doctor of any kind, I'm guessing he got his degree on Ebay. Or maybe in the Canary Islands.
4) We definitely had some other issues going on here; I mean first of all, I have NEVER, EVER, heard of any woman, who would break into a house and CLEAN! It simply wouldn't happen! A woman might break into a house and THINK it needed cleaning, but if it wasn't hers, she wouldn't bother! And if it was hers, these days, she'd probably call Merry Maids or something. And then when Snow White goes upstairs to take a nap, and the dwarves come back and find her, what do they do? They don't call 911. They notice that the place is clean, and wonder what the hell happened. And then go upstairs, PICKS RAISED, ready to stab the living shit out of an unsuspecting Snow White. These guys all could have used some anger management therapy, as well as a few lessons in housekeeping. Write 'em off as men? Yeah, I suppose, but that's cliche in itself, don'tcha think?
5) Never mind the fact that Snow White, in all the time she was there, only cleaned. She left the decor of the place UNTOUCHED. I wish some women WOULD learn this lesson.
6) Who do they leave in charge of the key to the diamond mine? DOPEY! The STUPIDEST one in the whole group, (arguably,) and he's the guy in charge of security! Does this qualify as a rational act? Not to my mind.
7) The Prince was just a freak; he didn't know if Snow White was alive or dead, didn't bother to consult with Doc to determine if she might be, (he could have at the very least took her pulse, or held a mirror up under her nose,) and he STILL kissed her! Sorry, that's just wrong.
8) Done today, I think the Snow White story would have to include some ethnic elves, maybe Jorge and Shachiro, or something. The ACLU'd be all over Disney otherwise. And lets consider the dwarves that WEREN'T in the group, maybe living down the road, or something; Sleazy, the used-car sales dwarf, Dumpy, who's perpetually badly dressed, and Gropey; check around your knees in a elevator with this bad boy. Word is a dwarf named Anal was under consideration initially, but all the rest of the dwarves would have hated him for being such a clean freak, smugly wearing his white clothes all the time, and banished him to the basement.
9) And, really, was Snow White that big a ditz that after being run out of the castle, she didn't figure if anybody ever DID find out she was alive, they MIGHT try and come get her again? Well, I guess we are considering the same woman who would break into a house and clean, so maybe that's not so hard to swallow, but DAMN! And she was TOTALLY alone?! I would think that even if Snow White DID get run out of the kingdom, she'd have found some women to hang with, get advice from....you know. No woman is ever totally alone, even I know that! She has friends who will take her in if she needs it, give her advice, and try and help her stay outta trouble. Its a gender thing. Just like the fact that we never saw the dwarves at the bar as a group.
That's my take, think what you will of it.