Given the amount of time I've had for just kinda pokin at my bellybutton, the notion was bound to come up, not even necessarily of what it all means, which I know I've discussed, but whether the "White Knight" is just somewhere in my DNA. I can identify within myself that I do gravitate towards the intelligent-but-somehow-distressed, and I want to help. I like to help people, it's been that way for a long time. I considered my days wrenching to be as much a matter of trust as anything else; which could be why I sucked at that profession, relatively speaking. But that's irrelevant, my wrenching days are behind me. Anyway, is education my response to wanting to help? Or is something in me now trying to compensate for my stated pain at not being able to see my own children whenever I want? Is the idea of 80 kids I'm being paid to educate enough to make up for the insufficiencies inherent in the relationship of the two I gave life to? Could bloody well be. It could also be that having been handed a torch, I'm determined to light up all the dark places in my reality. And I suppose I really could be a worse person than a "White Knight," if that's really the case, but none the less, it ain't an easy gig. The journey down the rabbit hole is proof of that. And have I been so out-of-touch with myself for so long that I never even identified anything like it until this point in my life? Better late than never. I've already safely identified, I think, my own level of conservativism; the calculated risks, the ones for which I can see some kind of benefit, are the ones I deem worth taking. The Rush Limbaugh arch-conservativism, defending the status quo at all costs, is really over the edge to me.
Perhaps I am overstating all this, but then again, I can't even really say I'd be the one to know for certain. If you do, hell, tell me. Right or wrong, I'm listening......