Someone near me, and I will spare them the humiliation of mentioning any names, alluded to the fact that someone else in proximity, who is approximately the same age I am, had the big house, the cars, overall, the perceived "good life." The person speaking to me then questioned me, point blank, as to why I couldn't be like that. I was, and still am, shocked; first of all, I doubt very seriously that the man who this other person was referring to had ever been considered anywhere near the kind of sideshow carnival freak that I know da*n well people have seen me as. Where he was in life was probably very much the culmination of his life experience to this point, not an effort to change after he had started to get it together. In any event, it's the same question I've heard over and over and over in life, "Why can't you be like that? What's the problem?" I'm tired of having to answer it all the time, because I know what my issues are, but here's the short answer; I'm not like anyone else, in any way, shape or form. I'm different, I've always known I was. It's not necessarily of my own conscious making, if I had to choose to be a certain way, I doubt very seriously it'd be like this. Living inside me is just one huge hindrance after another. And if ya don't believe me, you try living my life for a day or two. You'll catch on, believe me. And having gotten as far as I feel like I have in life, relatively speaking, that line of thought is what really knocks me down. Still. Never mind that I wouldn't really have expected a line of thought so blatantly hurtful from this particular person, as a simple result of, "you'd just think they'd know better," but who am I to say, apparently?! I mean, sh*t, it's only my life we're talking about here. If you understand better, kudos to you. If not, learn it, it's all real.