Saturday, December 31, 2011

I'm sick to death of a lot of things. Somewhere near the top of the list are people, women especially, who fail to understand that the life of a divorced man is overrun with mandates. Alimony (not me on this one, thank God,) child support (that one I am subject to,) and other collateral obligations connected to a relationship falling apart, frequently leave the incident male sucked dry financially. Which means that when the rest of life's little "hiccups" come along, well, you can see where it wouldn't be pretty. And you can see where the slope could get to be pretty slippery. But we all need love, we all DO love. And we all have to live. The upshot here is that if you're in a relationship with a guy who's already been around the marital block, you should reasonably expect that financially, there are probably times when he's going to come up short. Of course, if he's any kind of man at all, he's good for it. If he's like me, he needs understanding and patience, because frankly, any marriage falling apart creates a train wreck, no matter how bold a face he puts on. Normally, (and I can only speak for myself here,) he's not being predatory if he needs you to pick up some of the financial slack. Divorce and its incident costs and mandates are a game changer. You live by not only the rules, but the whims of everyone else involved. And it sucks. So ladies, do the divorced men of the world a favor and understand this. Like I said, there are instances where I'm wrong, unfortunately, and some guys, even in these situations truly are predators. It's also not a situation that ever happens by itself. If a guy is sneaky, and predatory, and generally ill-mannered, well....the situation didn't create itself. Sometimes stuff gets in there, particularly when the emotional "slate" is still soft, (particularly in the flower of youth,) and as a result, as adults, everything goes sideways. It doesn't make anything less wrong, or any man less culpable for the actions that follow, but if you're being honest, and trying not only to play by the rules, but roll with the punches, it's best to realize that the hard ones can hit men just as hard as they can women. Also, the whole idea of divorce, and its incident costs and ramifications, and mandates, is something that doesn't go away until it really does. That is, until you're out of it financially. Till the child support is completely paid, till all the expectations are met, once and for all. And I've seen plenty of women out there who don't seem to want to believe this whole state of affairs; well, believe it. It's the truth, whether the man that you're involved with, or connected to will actually say it or not. I've probably said all this before, but frankly, it bears repeating sometimes. A little understanding goes a long way.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lots of remarried folk need to read and comprehend this one. Well said!