IF THEY SAID WHAT THEY REALLY MEANT…

The Dyson Vacuum guy: “I’m not anal retentive I just think you should blow at least a month’s rent on a vacuum cleaner’>

Volvo: “Because driving a Ferrari will still kill you a lot faster than we’d ever dream of doing. And think of the children. And the groceries. And the golf clubs”…

Dave Thomas of Wendy’s “I never said they wouldn’t get you in the end, but they sure tasted good didn’t they?!”

George Bush Jr. “The sun will come out tomorrow…” (Sung in tenor falsetto, in a little red dress and black patent maryjanes).

Osama Bin Laden “ PFFFFFTHH! NANANANANA, you can’t catch me.”

Bill Clinton “Hillary’s not lookin’ like such a bad alternative, is she?!”

Former Kiss drummer and hip-replacement patient Paul Stanley “Rock & Roll will never die, but nobody said it wouldn’t need Depends eventually.”

Former Beatle Paul McCartney “Will you still need we, will I be on tour, when I’m sixty-four…Oh, yeah, I am sixty-four!”

Former Beatle Ringo Starr “If Paul goes first, I win the bet.”

Nissan Chairman Carlos Ghosn “They haven’t done a comic book about you now, have they? Now, BOW TO ME!”

Lance Armstrong “Doping Schmoping. Let’s see you climb those hills on a bike, being chased by a pack of pissed-off Frenchmen and Italians! Seven times. Before and after cancer treatment and chemo…”