Relatively speaking, I don't consider my level of self-sufficiency, or self-control to be particular issues. I won't get into what exactly brought this on, granted, I have had my share of problems in the past with.......well, at least with the self-control thing, but one thing is certain; for all that I am, all that I have PROVEN myself to be, no one still seems to wanna buy the deal that I've changed. I'm 42 years old, for cryin' out loud, how could I even contemplate living like some kind of damn TEENAGER?! Does the fact that I have had to look that far outside myself, and my comfort zone paint me as some variety of lunatic?! Understand the age we are living in, people, and understand, too, that the economy in Michigan sucks to the point where looking outside your boundaries pretty much borders on necessity. Risks will always have to be taken, but, dammit, I STILL know what my goals are, and I WILL acheive them! I have not denied to this point, that there is a LOT of work to be done in my life, but I find myself having to step outside everything I have known for quite a while now. When will it all settle down, when will I be able to move on to something new?! Theoretically, when all of the old sh*t is cleaned up. But there will always be a caveat, always be a string, it seems. And what will my kids know of all this? That I did everything in my power to make sure things were right, even if I did have to go to great lengths to do so. Bigger that that, I guess, is that I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses, and what, as a person I have to work with. So, no elegant ending, and certainly, there will be more to know. But to the extent that I am not everyone, that I am not "average," I do know myself. And that's the bottom line.