I had forgotten until today some of the ways that my life-changing year in Korea happened. There is no forgetting what it did to me, I probably wouldn't recognize much of who I was from before the trip. But one of the truly nagging, semi-forgotten parts of all this, is something I had agreed to to make it happen in the first place. Right before I left, Martha was in the process of getting back to school herself, and admittedly she carried on as much as she could have in my absence, but had she gone any further, it wouldn't have gone well. Certainly not the way she wanted. I agreed that in the course of that year I was in Korea, it was my turn. When I came back, it would be hers. Obviously, it hasn't worked that way. So, though I've made my public apologies before, I still have to concede to a certain amount to allow Martha to get back on track herself. She has as many unrealized dreams as I have ever had, and God knows, no relationship between a man and a woman is anything real without compromise. You'd think I would have recognized that in having been married to a woman who was unquestionably, unrelentingly uncompromising, to her own detriment, dare I say, but, well, I suppose I'll just file it under "Men are from mars....."yeah. Anyway, somehow or other, I have to figure out how I'm going to bend without breaking. Figure out what is and is not going to be possible for me. The reason that I say this is partly the same reason Martha wasn't with me in Korea; she couldn't have gotten the medicine or care she needed, especially with her pacemaker. And she's going to have to have it replaced a few times in the course of our life together. Insurance won't cover those kinds of expenses if they view it as a pre-existing condition, (thankfully, in the original installation, of course, that wasn't the case, but such is the nature of newly-diagnosed heart failure.) so I have to be ready to bend, and to take care of business. If not, then I have to be ready to lose her to God Himself. Call me selfish, but I'm not ready for that yet. But yea, it is indeed time to live up to my end of the bargain, however I will make that happen. So no apologies, but a promise; it's only fair, despite whatever I may say about fair. I know I'm a teacher, I have that in my head, even if I don't have much of the necessary accompanying credentials. Inevitably, I can only go so far; but that's what's in my soul.

And it's odd to me to think that creatives as a breed, the authors and musicians, and people who are talented in many other ways in that whole realm, would also make up the stock of what we entrust young, learning minds to. Steven King was a teacher, as have been many other writers, poets, directors and actors, just to elucidate a little. Perhaps it's all that we can expect, I mean you do have to be creative to keep minds engaged in learning, and do similar things, but given the substance-abusing, debaucherous nature of a lot of creative enterprises, wouldja really want to entrust children to such people? Perhaps teachers have risen above that level of need for....whatever one might conceivably derive from what might be categorized as monotonous, ugly sprees of.....whatever. But the heart and soul of the gig is not very far away.