As usual, there will probably be people who were always hoping I would say this, and, likely as not, others who will demean me, and question my manhood unflaggingly; don't care. Ladies, you're absolutely right, men are doofuses, by and large. We forget birthdays and anniversaries, and forego spending time with you to spend time with our buddies. It's not a blanket statement, there's probably some professor of Romance Languages somewhere in creation who's just sensitive, caring, compassionate and devoted enough to totally hang my theory out to dry. Of course, his wife probably still chides him, because they don't spend their summers anywhere except Venice, Paris and the Lakes Region of England. Be that as it may, yes, guys are entirely fallible, utterly flawed, but somehow still manage to make up half the Earth's population, statistical scrutiny aside. But if all that is the case, why in God's name would you ever think any of us ever had the capacity to be mind readers?!

Why would you ever imagine that a man would know what you're thinking without you coming right out and saying it?! Total non-sequitur there, ladies. This feminine theory has to be completely laid to rest before any man will ever be what you're hoping for. Men still manage to be the more physically powerful of the two genders, by and large, once again, this is not a blanket statement, as I have noted in the past, I worked with women as a mechanic who had bigger biceps than I did. Everything in creation is pretty much a compromise. Men are strong, but less likely to be well-read in the same way you are. Women tend to be more sensitive, if not necessarily endowed with the same physical prowess, generally. And speaking of physical prowess, with regard to any sexual matters, keep in mind that any man over 25 is not exactly a romantic Uzi; we start at Uzi, go through the "six-shooter" stage, where a little time is required for "reloading," so to speak, and, generally speaking, by the time we're 60 or so, we've hit the "musket" stage. One shot, and forever spent reloading. The danger of this is the same danger that has always existed, if you're a musket, and an Uzi's shooting back at you, chances are you're gonna get picked off.

I also realize that a lot of the whole mating ritual revolves around the fact that you're not entirely honest until you're entirely comfortable with the other person, because both of you, over the course of the ritual, are "bringin' your 'A' game;" God forbid any perceptions should ever go south before you're married. And then we all wonder how the Hell we could ever have been so disappointed. Ah, the things you learn in the course of being a "pre-owned" guy. To this end, Hell yes, I've made mistakes in my life, I wouldn't be human if I didn't. But I'm willing to fix them, once again, if I actually know what they are. So the next time your man does actually have the sensitivity to say the words, "what's wrong?," don't sigh, tell him "nothing," and figure he should be smart enough to figure it out by himself; chances are, he probably isn't. After a few rounds of this, he will simply take "nothing," as "nothing," and not even fu*&ing bother to attempt to discern what the issue is. He'll just pre-occupy himself with whatever's going on at work, whatever his buddies are doing, or whatever video game he happens to be immersed in. Neither one of you will be happy, and what follows will probably be entirely self-destructive, for no particular good reason, other than no one bothered to communicate honestly. This ain' no da*n game. Remember that.

The other non-sequitur? If you're complaining about the fact that your man doesn't make a lot of money, despite however hard he does or doesn't work, how does it make any sense to threaten to end the relationship, and "take him to the cleaners," for all that he doesn't have?! Particularly if he has pre-existing commitments from having been "pre-owned?" You wanna be the one who has the best? Wanna get one-up on that bi*ch ex-wife of his? Then work towards your end being better without threats. Help him get there, assuming he's gonna try. No guy ever liked being poor, nor do any of us like being controlled financially by a woman; it's just un-manly as hell. If he says he has goals, don't neglect them for your own; do you really wanna spend your life financially baby-sitting a guy you otherwise love? Doesn't make sense to you, makes even less sense to him. Of course, if he's a total leach and a ba*tard, and, here's the important part, always has been, then yes, feel free to kick him to the curb, you really can do better.

But for example, I'm not lazy, I never have been, it doesn't make sense to me. Doesn't profit me in the least. I can't be a mechanic anymore, because after everything my body has been through to this point in my life, I can't keep up with the kids in that particular game. Car repair is a young man's game; young, smart, tough agile bodies are prized, and make a ton of money. More than I ever did. What I am, is "in transition," so to speak; trying to get from here to there, and suffering the indignation of dues-paying. And in this economy, I think I can count on payin' more dues than usual. But I pledge to do my best, and understand, if I am understood. Make my best efforts for others, if they're gonna be there for me. I'm makin' headway, I swear to God I am.