Tort Law Reaches Fairy-Tale Levels

THE FOLLOWING IS EXCERPTED FROM THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

The use of the term "a coven of lawyers" inspired me to write the following. John Edmond, Phoenix, Arizona.

"......and just as the wolf siezed Little Red Riding Hood, theWoodsman burst through the door and killed the Wolf with his ax."

Immediately, the attorneys for the relatives of the Wolf filed a suit against the Woodsman for wrongful death; the Woodsman had acted on presumption, not having seen the Grandmother actually being eaten. Besides, the Wolf had been abused as a pup and was merely reacting by cross-dressing. In addition, the attorneys for the Wolf's relatives sued LRRH for entrapment: She had told him where to go, and presented an allurement. Finally, the attorneys (acting with the Sierra Club,) sued the State for nonenforcement of the Endangered Species Act.

The attorneys for the Woodsman countered with a suit against the Wolf, saying that the Woodsman had acted for LRRH in good faith under the "good Samaritan" provision of the law. And, he too, had a deprived childhood. Action was taken against LRRH for provoking the Woodsman into unpremeditated and precipitous action with her undirected screams. His attorneys, (acting with the ACLU,) also filed against the State because the law was vague; it said nothing about disguised wolves.

Soon the attorneys for LRRH filed against the Wolf's estate for psychological damage and depriving her of a beloved Grandma. The Woodsman was also sued for breaking and entering. Her attorneys (acting with the Commitee for Juvenile Justice,) sued the State for failure to protect its citizens against wolves, no matter how disguised and for failure to monitor properly the Child Protective Laws.

In turn, the State made claims against the Grandmother's estate, saying that such assistance as provided by LRRH had made her ineligible for the welfare program. The State proceeded against the Wolf--use of a disguise in the commission of a crime. Finally, the State advised OSHA that the Woodsman's ax was substandard and unsafe.

The state Legislature quickly formed a committee to study the implications and report. after seven months of study and deliberation, the Committee recommended to the State that the law be amended to include the subject of cross-dressed wolves.

And they all lived happily ever after, because nobody had to pay; they were all bankrupt (yes, even the State,) after dozens of attorneys had collected.