Forgive

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Or, more to the point, I've lost something; my sense of guileless-ness. After having been kicked to the curb once, and not even really knowing why, precisely, I have essentially lost the ability to trust anyone innately, whether they warrant it or not. Call it an end of the innocence, I suppose. All around me, things are going on which seem final, and inevitably destined toward death, heartache and hardship. If it's not too much trouble, Lord, I'd like my innocence back. Please. I'd like, for once in this life, at least to this point, to think that someone else doesn't have an ulterior motive, or a hidden agenda they're just aching to spring on me. I've had about enough of people aching to spring anything on me. I'm not made for that. If Jesus was supposed to save me from sin, save us all from sin, then why does it seem more like the Adamic Covenant going on? In short, I guess, I want to believe, and very little around me gives me cause to. Granted, man's inhumanity to man doesn't extend to others in the absolute worst of circumstances, after things like Hurricane Katrina, the Haiti earthquake, and other disasters too numerous to mention, someone, thankfully, has been there to extend a hand to the down-trodden. In normal circumstances, however, there's still poverty, and crime, and greed, and malevolence of every flavor. Can't You make it STOP?! Is that asking too much? I'm tired of my own lack of ability to have faith in anything, tired of being gun-shy about other people's motives. If I've been evil, I'll tell You this right now, I have no idea how. It's not like I've ever set about to be malevolent, but if you have to run around with your guard up all the time, well, yeah, I guess you do start to develop pre-conceived notions about people and their motives. And you end up having to defend yourself. And defend your heart. It sucks to have to, but there ya go. So, please, God, give me some reason to have faith in humanity, instead of having to keep looking over my shoulder all the time, and looking ahead of me, wondering what's going to happen next. I'm worn out from all of it.