Friday, October 03, 2008

"A mild answer calms wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Proverbs 15:1
As much as I hate to say it, I didn't get introduced to that quotation straight out of the Bible; I was reading the same version of Anna Karenina (Anna Karenine, as it is written,) as I have been plodding through for quite some time now. And I can honestly say, I have never been so moved by a book as I have been by this one. Perhaps because I do identify with the injustices, and the feelings, and the reluctance to forgive. My great sin, it seems, is wrath; anyone who has ever known me, knows that there is a bomb of enormous proportions at the end of my (well, as I see it, anyway,) rather long fuse. And it takes a classic of world literature to make me see the error of my ways; go figure.
And now, in this cyber-reality, I must, in a sense utter it. If harm has ever come to you, by virtue of my wrath, or any of the other sins I know I'm guilty of, I apologize, from the bottom of my heart, and beg your forgiveness. If I feel as though I have ever been harmed by your words, or your actions, I forgive you, unconditionally. Very few things or people have ever really made me feel this way, and frankly, I don't even know if this is the right way of going about such an act; but I could think of no more open venue, and in some cases, I either haven't the guts or the opportunity to do it absolutely right, so this'll have to do. So there you have it; he can put a bug in his mouth and swallow, but if he ever had to forgive you, face-to-face, he couldn't bring himself to it. Make what you will of it, it's all out there now. And it's for real. I haven't the energy to waste on anger, and it does little to really rectify any situation; it does nothing so much but act as a signal of something deeper, ergo it fixes nothing. That's an expensive emotional response. In the book, Alexis Karenine is broken down by his wife's impending death, and I suppose I hope that nothing should ever befall me so. But I'd like to be on even terms with God and all His children if any similar time ever came for me. Maybe I won't be, but I tried.

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